


mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang

by sadie18



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Chatting & Messaging, Cupid - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Group, Group chat, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mentions of alcohol, Mutual Pining, Pining, Texting, bottom!Craig, bottom!stan, jersey kyle is mentioned, jimmy valmer is a king, so is the yaoi incident
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-01 22:40:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16293194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadie18/pseuds/sadie18
Summary: bebe texts an old group chat on a snow daya lot has changed since fourth grade!(groupchat au style)





	1. garrisons gay gang

**Author's Note:**

> lol hmu tumblr @craiigtuucker

_**bebe s has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

bebe s: hey bitches long time no text

_**craig t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**stan m has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**jimmy v has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**tweek t _ **has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**_** _

_**kyle b has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**wendy t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**clyde d has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**token b has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**butters s has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**kenny m has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**eric c has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**heidi t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

bebe s: wow so NONE of us have lives

stan m: its a snow day bebe

bebe s: oh yeah oops

craig t: why r we reviving this

bebe s: bc im bored

bebe s: i miss my gf

wendy t: awww bebe <3

bebe s: <3

_**eric c has left "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

kyle b: thank god

token b: its been so long since we used this chat

butters s: literally est. fourth grade

craig t: one more year in this hellhole and we OUT

clyde d: omg grad is in less then a year

kenny m: dont get emotional on us donovan

jimmy v: do not ever send him try not to cry compilations

jimmy v: you will unlock a door u never meant to open

clyde d: im NOT

clyde d: but so much has changed since fourth grade

tweek t: not rlly lol

token b: ooof shut him down

clyde d: yes it HAS

stan m: i agree 

stan m: for one everyone is gay now

craig t: yes im gay very gay

jimmy v: holee fucc we know

kyle b: the day craig doesnt mention how gay he is we will be concerned for his health

kyle b: but i too am gaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

_**bebe s sent a picture** _

kenny m: LMAO HIGH FIVE

butters s: its just a pan??

butters s: ah i get it now

butters s: lol same

tweek t: i too am gay gajdbehbaklbdhekwbjha

token b: what about the bisexuals :(

jimmy v: i can name one other bisexual that does not realise they are bi on this chat

jimmy v: but i wont bc im a nice guy

heidi t: omg jimmy

heidi t: i think i can guess who ur talking about??

_**heidi t has created a private chat with jimmy v** _

heidi t: clyde right

jimmy v: yeah its so obvious 

jimmy v: his attachment to token is very craig-tweek-esque

jimmy v: and while craig and tweek are too pussy to admit their proper feelings since the yaoi incident

jimmy v: clyde is too pussy to come out to an entire gang of gays

heidi t: lmFAO rekt

_**jimmy v has reentered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**heidi t has reentered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

stan m: thats SKETCH

wendy t: sus sus sus

jimmy v: @eric.c im gonna steal ur girl

_**eric c has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

heidi t: yea sorry cartman jimmy is the loml

heidi t: jk ily <3

eric c: yeah like you'd leave me for a CRIPPLE

jimmy v: this cripple beat you, an able bodied person at the handicapped olympics, fatass

jimmy v: and i joined the crips at age 10 wanna fuck wit me now

kyle b: omfg shut him DOWN

eric c: ... heidi come over?

heidi t: im on my way, i brought ice for those burns jimmy gave u

heidi t: its freezing out thank god my mums home to drive me!

craig t: is today attack cartman day cuz i've been waiting for this day all my life

clyde d: craig no

craig t: craig YES

token b: craig no

craig t: craig maybe

tweek t: craig no

craig t: ... craig no

craig t: only cuz it'll prolly give u a panic attack

tweek t: shut the fuckity truck up

craig t: sorry :(

stan m: oof craig got shut down

kenny m: what a bottom

kyle b: LMFAO KENNY

butters s: ken ur a bottom

clyde d: ... butters how do u know that

kenny m: butters ur right and i luv it

token b: kenny that was way too much information for my poor eyes

kenny m: <3 luv u buttercup

butters: <3

wendy t: bebe can i come over

bebe s: no the roads are slippery and i know ur parents arent around to drive! stay home we can facetime

wendy t: ok thanks babe

butters s: aw that was cute

kenny m: ur cute

bebe s: AW

craig t: this is so gay

tweek t: ... we're all gay

clyde d: iM NOT!

heidi t: yeah ;)

jimmy v: ;)

kyle b: ;)

tweek t: ;)

butters s: ;)

eric c: ;)

stan m: ;)

kenny m: ;)

bebe s: ;)

token b: ;)

craig t: ;)

clyde d: ... what?

* * *

  **jimmy v has created a group chat with bebe s, heidi t and wendy t**

**jimmy v has named the group "projects!!"**

jimmy v: heres the thing guys,,, u guys are in established relationships so u can help me

jimmy v: i am a mastermind and would like to be hailed as one, and by the end of the year, i will just be called cupid, and u will be my faithful minions

jimmy v: as u guys may have noticed, there is no way clyde is straight

jimmy v: with my close analysis, i think hes bi-curious but like #nohomo-ing that shit

jimmy v: esp with token 

bebe s: yeah its pretty obvi

wendy t: we've discussed this b4

heidi t: yea and tbh i think token would totally go w him like they're bros but they know each other inside out

jimmy v: exactly

jimmy v: but thats not our only project

jimmy v: tweek and craig have been pining since we were nine. thats like, eight years

jimmy v: since the yaoi incident

wendy t: LMAO the yaoi incident

wendy t: but tru

bebe s: remember the rlly sexy ones

bebe s: even the 9 year old asian girls knew that craig would grow up to be a bottom

heidi t: LMFAOOOOOO

heidi t: yea craig isnt good at keeping his gay pining in check but tweek is a spaz so he cant catch on

bebe s: but we love him for it!

jimmy v: and like tweek?? cannot keep it in check

wendy t: literally the other day in PE i saw craig lift his shirt to wipe sweat and tweek flat out started shaking

jimmy v: LMAO YES THATS SUCH A TWEEK THING TO DO

jimmy v: THATS NOT ALL!

jimmy v: stan and kyle

heidi t: stan and kyle

wendy t: storytime

wendy t: when we were a thing or just being beards for each other like two years ago and when i THOUGHT i actually liked stan and wasnt a lesbian, stan would constantly ditch me for kyle it was just kyle this kyle that kyle kyle kyle and eventually i got fed up and thats when i was like WAIT im a LESBIAN i like BEBE it makes so much sense and then i told stan and he kinda stared at me a bit and i thought he was grossed and i was gonna smack that bitch and then he was like "oh thank jesus" and i was like "huh?" and he was like "i think im gay like rlly gay and i think i like kyle and this is a problem."

bebe s: aw u had a crush on me? thats embarrassing

wendy t: bebe we're dating

bebe s: still

jimmy v: whoa whoa whoa its been TWO YEARS

jimmy v: and stan, the great stan marsh, star quarterback and all round popular and cool dude, has been pining for TWO YEARS

heidi t: and HASN'T TAKEN ACTION! insane right!!!!!!

jimmy v: a little disappointed in my man stan, thought it was just a recent thing

wendy t: he told me once when we were drunk everyone had that jersey phase he thought kyle was sooooo hot

heidi t: he was

bebe s: he was

jimmy v: ah

jimmy v: so that settles it; craig and tweek, stan and kyle, clyde and token!!

jimmy v: butters and kenny r established right

heidi t: yea kenny stopped blowing random waiters for him

wendy t: so romantic

 


	2. stud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> studs get studded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr : craiigtuucker

_**butters s has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

butters s: holee fucc im gonna get so grounded when my parents get back from north park

_**bebe s has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**craig t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**kenny m has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**stan m has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**kyle b has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

kenny m: whats wrong babe

stan m: kennys about to go batshit next to me oh no

bebe s: r u ok butters

craig t: dude

_**tweek t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**clyde d has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**wendy t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**token b has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**eric c has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**heidi t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**jimmy v has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

butters s: i did something very out of character and it was very heat of the moment and i dont regret it but im sooooooo screwed guys

_**butters s sent a video** _

_**kenny m went offline** _

stan m: holy shit butters

heidi t: out of character?? understatement of the century

craig t: aw dude I WANTED a tongue piercing

clyde d: im totally str8 but that looks pretty hot 

token n: butters omg 

eric c: wow that looks sooo gay

tweek t: i think it looks great butters

wendy t: me too!

bebe s: same here!!

butters s: thanks guys but i dont know why i did it at all

kyle b: ... kenny r u alive

stan m: he had to limp to my car with the huge boner he had after seeing that LMAO

kyle b: LMFAOOOOOOO

bebe s: omg stan u threw him under the fucking bus

stan m: no i didnt i gave him my car keys so he can get off with his boyfriend

craig t: hes gonna crash ur car i mean when u have a boner isnt that all u think about

_**butter s went offline** _

jimmy v: kenny must've made it

wendy t: kennys about to get sum goooooood head

bebe s: no flipping way butters got a tongue piercing b4 me

wendy: i think ur belly button piercing is pretty cute babe

bebe s: but like could u imagine how powerful i'd be with a tongue piercing

 _ **craig t has created a private chat with stan m**_  

craig t: wanna go get piercings

stan m: what brought this on

craig t: i wanted a tongue so badly for ages i just didnt know when to 

stan m: yeah i guess i kinda want a cartilage

craig t: also i know u have a crush on kyle

stan m: wtf no i dont

craig t: bro its so obvious he was ur gay turning point

stan m: ..no

craig t: piercings would drive him craaaaazy

craig t: and wendy told me that u were drunk horny over his jersey phase

stan m: ....i hate u and i'll go with u bc since i knew about ur fat crush on tweek for years

craig t: ... no  t(-_-t)

stan m: come pick me up kenny took my car to butters'

_**craig t has reentered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**stan m has reentered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

token b: dude thats soooo sus

tweek t: ;/

kyle b: :\

eric c: no the slash canNOT be that way kahl god u stupid jew

kyle b: fuck u cartman i'll do whatever the fuck i want

kyle b: sit your fat ass down and shut ur fat mouth for once in your life pls

token b: what a fucking TOP

_**kenny m has entered _ **"mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**_** _

kenny m: hey a REAL MAN can take a dick up the ass

_**kenny m has gone offline** _

kyle b: ...who says i couldnt?

clyde d: thats my boyyyyyy ayyy love who u love i am an ALLY

craig t: jesus fuck my dude stan the man cant handle that much sex appeal kahl

craig t: he just spat coffee all over my fucking car

tweek t: are YOU TEXTING AND DRIVING CRAIG TUCKER HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE TALKED ABOUT THIS 

clyde d: hes w me rn craig why would u do me like this 

craig t: relax tweek we r in a parking lot

tweek t: oh okay

tweek t: carry on then 

tweek t: and fuck u clyde im an absolute delight

craig t: and clyde i would never do u

stan m: i did not SPIT the coffee was HOT and i am uncoordinated and have low pain threshold

kyle b: ohhh we know stanny boi

token b: remember when we had that big sleepover at my house a few years back and stan fell down the fucking stairs and knocked a painting over at 3am

wendy t: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO STAN

stan m: ... :(

_**kenny m has entered _ **"mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**_** _

kenny m: its safe to say that butters' tongue piercing has enhanced his already amazing abilities

_**kenny m has gone offline** _

jimmy v: im gonna say theyre gonna b busy for a while

token b: thats the way of the world when ur a switch

wendy t: oh em gee token stop classifying people by if theyre a top or bottom

token b: what? its an efficient way of learning about people personally

* * *

**_craig t _ **has entered _ **"mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**_**__ **

craig t: u lads might wanna check me and stan's snap story

_**bebe s has gone offline** _

_**kyle b has gone offline** _

_**clyde d has gone offline** _

_**kenny m **has gone offline**** _

_****token b **has gone offline**** ** _

_******jimmy v **has gone offline**** ** ** _

_********eric c **has gone offline**** ** ** ** _

stan m: 3

stan m: 2

stan m: 1

stan m: boom.

_**bebe s **has entered **"mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"****** _

_**kyle b **has entered **"mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**** ** _

_**clyde d **has entered **"mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**** ** _

_**kenny m **has entered **"mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**** ** _

_**token b **has entered **"mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**** ** _

_**jimmy v **has entered **"mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**** ** _

_**eric c **has entered **"mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**** ** _

_**wendy t **has entered **"mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**** ** _

_**heidi t **has entered **"mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**** ** _

_**tweek t **has entered **"mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**** ** _

tweek t: whats going on my snap isnt loading

bebe s: HOLYYYYY SHITTTTT CRAIG STAN OMF

clyde d: hot damn brother no homo tho

token b: wtf craig

jimmy v: tweek, my man, good thing i screen record things!

jimmy v has sent two videos

jimmy v: if that aint loading for u either, let me give u a description

jimmy v: first video is of stan getting his right ear cartilage pierce. looks pretty sexy my man, no homo tho

eric c: im w heidi and kyle he spat just now

kyle b: god cartman trip over a knife pls

stan: thanks jimmy <3

tweek t: WHATGBJBJHWBEJH

tweek t: WHAT BAOUT THE SECOND ONE ITS NOT LOADING

token b: noah fence jimmy but i think if u describe it u will break our baby tweek here

tweek t: WHAT IS IT WTF CLYDE WONT SHOW ME

tweek t: ADHEBHBSABSKJABNKJWKSBAMNBKE

clyde d: but if he saw the video himself hed shatter into a million pieces

clyde d: its for ur own good tweeky

wendy t: i, a lesbian shattered into a billion pieces when seeing that video

kenny m: u totally copied my boyfriend but thats pretty hot tucker

kenny m: butters approves, hes w me rn, says he likes having someone to match with

tweek t: hey what the fuck is going on dnekBXEIHBCJXBAHSBSBdbjhbabdhwbajhba

jimmy v: video description; craig is in a car, eyes on the road, very responsible. red light, car stops. stan says in the background "show me!" and craig turns to look the camera in the eye like its something very delicious and sensually sticks his tongue out to reveal a silver stud right in the middle

tweek t: the video loaded gonna watch

tweek t: wait WHAT DID YOu SAY

tweek t: PARDON ME!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?

clyde d: hes watching it

_**tweek t has gone offline** _

clyde d: he threw his motherfucking phone and screamed and has run out of my room

bebe s: jimmy u broke him 

kenny m: of course he did craig is dubbed the hottest boy at our school and now has a metal stud through his tongue he was bound to break anything he saw

kenny m: but butters is much hotter and i prefer his tongue piercing to yours

craig t: thats cuz his tongue piercings been in ur mouth, on ur dick and probably in ur ass by no

kenny m: ... proceed

clyde d: wait u can eat a guy out

kenny m: oh u sweet, stupid child

_**tweek t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

tweek t: i am back and i have one thing to say

tweek t: WHAT THE FUCK CRAIG WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU WERE GETTING A PIERCING I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WJAt THE FUCKESBAJHBZHJBQJHWBJWQBWH

craig t: spur of the moment!?!?!??!?!?!??!!?!?!??!?!?!!??!?!?

tweek t: come down to the coffee shop right now clyde and i are on our way

tweek t: u owe me an explanation u terrible person

_**tweek t has gone offline** _

clyde d: he says that to mask the raging erection i bet hes having right now as he marches down to MY car

__**clyde d has gone offline** _ _

__**craig t _ **has gone offline**_** _ _

heidi t: ah, domestic bliss

 

 


	3. body shots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they have a party !!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr craiigtuucker

_**jimmy v has entered "projects!!!"** _

jimmy v: gUYS!!!

_**wendy t has entered "projects!!!"** _

wendy t: whats up

_**bebe s has entered "projects!!!"** _

_**heidi t has entered "projects!!!"** _

jimmy v: bebe can u host a party

jimmy v: i have a master plan

bebe s: i could

bebe s: for the greater good

bebe s: also my parents arent home for the week so i was prolly gonna have one anyway

jimmy v: this is gonna sound super childish 

jimmy v: but

jimmy v: we get hammered (except for me, bc im the mastermind)

jimmy v: and like

jimmy v: truth or dare

jimmy v: boom. simple

wendy t: hmmm

bebe s: kenny'll bring the weed

jimmy v: wonderful! the more inhibitions lost the easier this will be 

* * *

_**bebe s has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

bebe s: party at my place on friday night, just us, maybe nichole and red if they feel

**_wendy t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"_ **

**_craig t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"_ **

**_clyde d has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"_ **

**_token b has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"_ **

**_kenny m has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"_ **

kenny m: im bringing weed 

craig t: great 

_**tweek t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**eric c has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"**_

_**jimmy v has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**heidi t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**stan m has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**kyle b has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**butters s has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

tweek t: im in i'll just double shift on thursday

craig t: can i help

tweek t: can u come down now im bored

craig t: sure

token b: <3

token b: im in 

clyde d: me toooo

butters s: im grounded :/

stan m: ur like 17 what did u get grounded for

butters s: the piercing

butters s: i can sneak out tho

kyle b: since when did butters start becoming a teen vigilante

eric c: since he started sneaking out to fuck kenny

butters s: ....tru

heidi t: eric and i are in

stan m: im in so is kyle

kyle b: wait what

stan m: i speak for the both of us

kyle b: since when

stan m: since now

kyle b: screw u i'll do what i want

kyle b: ... but im going

kyle b: t(-_-t)

stan m: :)

wendy t: anywAYS did y'ALL HEAR

wendy t: nichole hooked up with that lexie girl from raisins all those years ago

tweek t: BHDBEHJBBABJBUEXHBDHRJE FOR REAL

craig t: damn nichole

token b: LMFAO NICHOLE

* * *

 

**_wendy t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"_ **

wendy t: duuuude what happende

**_craig t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"_ **

**_clyde d has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"_ **

craig t: holee fucc

**_token b has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"_ **

_**tweek t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**eric c has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**heidi t has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**jimmy v has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**stan m has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**kyle b has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

_**butters s has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _

**_kenny m has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"_ **

**__**bebe s has entered "mr garrisons super og fourth grade gang"** _ _ **

tweek t: i dont think we wanna know tbh

jimmy v: heidi did it work?

heidi t: no :/

butters s: did what work?

jimmy v: nothing dw bout it

heidi t: but boy o boy i got sum good blackmail on u all now

_**heidi t sent a video** _

butters s: OMG

kenny m: i vaguely remember some of that

stan m: what. the. fuck. craig

craig t: what do u mean wtf me wtf YOU

token b: oh my lord im not finishing it

clyde d: WHAT IS IT ITS NOT LOADING

kyle b: jimmy will u do the honors

jimmy v: clyde my man r u sure u wanna know

clyde d: yes pls

craig t: pls no im not finishing it either

jimmy v: lets start light: craig and eric were singing karoke

jimmy v: wonderwall, by oasis

eric c: i sound delightful but i too stopped watching after three seconds

jimmy v: craig doesnt stop there, and he takes another shot and starts a stripshow with kenny

kenny m: i think i won

craig t: thats cuz ur a ho pls stop jimmy

jimmy v: then stan starts to strip with craig as well, and now theyre throwing their clothes at the chandelier until craig and stan are in their boxers and socks

bebe s: thats why theres a hat on my chandelier

jimmy v: our resident noirettes are looking fine, like always

jimmy v: now we pan to wendy and token

wendy t: please, no

jimmy v: they are playing beer pong

jimmy v: wendy is in her bra for some reason

jimmy v: for a basketball player, token is rather shit at beer pong

token b: hey! :(

jimmy v: token then starts moping that hes losing to wendy

jimmy v: now we pan to tweek and bebe

tweek t: heidi

tweek t: HEIDIDIEHUDHBSJHXBJW

heidi t: im sorry tweeky but it had to be done for hangover purposes

jimmy v: tweek is blowing o's with- is that a JUUL, TWEEK!?

craig t: hWAT

tweek t: its a joint u blind motherfucker

jimmy v: i know i just wanted to cause some panic

jimmy v: clyde u still with me?

clyde d: im scared where am i

clyde d: the vid loaded but im not gonna watch it

jimmy v: okay

jimmy v: ur not so bad

jimmy v: heidi pans the camera again and awwww wouldja look at that

jimmy v: kyle and u are on the floor complaining about something and cuddling

clyde d: oh i remember what kyle was complaining about

kyle b: dont,,, u dare

kyle b: u told me shit too

jimmy v: and then u both pass out and butters comes in!!!!

jimmy v: completely sober, snuck out from the house, cheeky bastard

butters s: shhshhshshhshshs

jimmy v: and kenny,,, immediately leads him up the stairs to fuck him

kenny m: no he topped yesterday

butters s: KENNY

jimmy v: yeah dude tmi

kenny m: soz m8

craig t: i think im just gonna eat a tide pod now so i know i'll never do that again

wendy t: craig it could be worse

bebe s: yeah u couldve been wearing stans boxers

stan m: hey having little footballs on my boxers are a show of my security in my masculinity

stan m: also im gay this is a homophobic hate crime

wendy t: also craig ur abs look good

token b: its so un fucking fair he eats like a starved man and still looks like that

craig t: i cant appreciate myself like this when a video of me stripping and licking stans ear so our piercings clink exists in the world

stan m: and i cant appreciate myself when im drawing dicks on my bare chest

craig t: that might be the gayest thing i've ever done

stan m: that might be the stupidest thing i've ever done

craig t: and im not even INTO stan

heidi t: thank god

stan m: hey whats wrong with me!?

kyle b: nothing 

stan m: aw thanks dude

kyle b: no problem man

tweek t: im so glad all i did was get high on the video

tweek t: was jimmy the only one that watched

heidi t: no i did as well i have another clip of you tweek

_**heidi t sent a video** _

tweek t: heidi why did u have to do me like that

jimmy v: i'll describe this video too!!!! clyde u should get some good wifi but i take too much joy in bothering everyone

tweek t: jimmy no

jimmy v: jimmy YES 

jimmy v: tweek is fidgeting with his buttons

clyde d: is that it? he does that all the time

jimmy v: i wasnt finished

jimmy v: he gives up and wears his shirt open

jimmy v: heidi is following him with a camera

tweek t: why. why

jimmy v: and now, wendy, eric, craig, token and stan are doing body shots off tweeky boy here!

jimmy v: he is pale but he is lean! also kyle and clyde are still passed out on the floor

jimmy v: all that lifting beans at the coffee shop

tweek t: oh. my. god.

bebe s: TWEEK LMAO

heidi t: these two videos might single handedly b the best things that exist ever

tweek t: who allowed me to let five people take body shots off me

tweek t: because when i found out which of u guys it was i will injure you

jimmy v: atta boy

 

 


	4. kupid kenny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kenny takes over for projects!!!

_**kenny m has started a private chat with stan m** _

kenny m: bro wtf u gonna make a move on ur mans or what

kenny m: tick tock thot! high school's not lasting forever!

stan m: what mans

stan m: wdym

kenny m: a certain ginger with a little jersey accent who's been your best friend since you popped out of sharon marsh's womb

kenny m: ring a bell?

stan m: no

kenny m: suck my dick marsh

kenny m: don't avoid the subject

kenny m: u like kyle

kenny m: kaaaahhhhhllllll

stan m: how did u find out

kenny m: bro remember elementary when u used to throw up whenever u spoke to wendy and then got this cheesy little smile afterwards

kenny m: now u do that with kyle but with less throwing up and more cheesy smiles

stan m: i most certainly do nOT

stan m: he's just cute

stan m: and kind

stan m: a little feisty

stan m: he's all about the right thing ya know

stan m: strong and loyal

stan m: his hair is really nice and curly and shiny in the light

stan m: his jersey accent is kinda nice when it comes out too

stan m: but i dont cheesy smile at him

kenny m: miss me with that gay shit ur cheesy smiling rn i'd bet my balls u are

kenny m: why the fuck u lying

stan m: fuck off i have practice

kenny m: and kyle has love for you

stan m: pardon me

stan m: kenneth mccormick

_**kenny m has gone offline** _

* * *

  _ **kenny m started a private chat with kyle b**_

kenny m: broooooooo

kenny m: it hurts, so much, kyle, help me

kyle b: what's wrong kenny!!!????

kyle b: are you okay???

kyle b: what hurts???

kenny m: no

kenny m: it hurts seeing you not make a move on stan

kenny m: it's physically paining

kenny m: you guys are so. in. love.

kyle b: what the everliving fuck

kenny m: don't deny it i know everything and i'll tell him myself if you try to deny it bbg

kyle b: oh jesus

kyle b: i thought i was being so careful!!!!!!

kenny m: you thought wrong, bitch!

kenny m: i want u to be rlly honest w me rn

kenny m: what exactly do u feel for stan

kyle b: jesus fuck

kyle b: fine since you're one of my best friends and its been sitting on my chest forever i'll spill

kyle b: i love stan so much and i don't know what i'll ever be able to live without him ever so im really scared for when we go off to university but while thinking all these sappy things i also desperately want to climb him like a tree he's so fucking fine

kenny m: i must say he is very hot but im kinda into blondes

kenny m: that was sweet, good thing he loves you back 

kenny m: he's also most definitely a bottom

kyle b: stop that

kyle b: wait what

kyle b: wait whAT

kenny m: hope your heart boner doesn't hurt too much

_**kenny m has gone offline** _

* * *

_**kenny m has started a private chat with craig t** _

craig t: what do u want kenny

kenny m: fyi i am an angel

kenny m: and this is my good deed of the minute

kenny m: and i would like you to express your feelings for tweek to me

craig t: i don't have feelings

kenny m: and i don't have balls but butters says otherwise!

craig t: fuck uuuu kenny 

kenny m: i know all the deets dude just express your great love for tweek tweak

craig t: dude im gay that doesnt mean im in love with every boy i see

kenny m: dUdE iM gAy ThAt DoEsNt MeAn Im In LoVe WitH eVeRy BoY i SeE

craig t: ... i cant believe u took the time,,,

kenny m: dude its been like eight years

kenny m: eight years since the yaoi incident

kenny m: remember the good old days, where even the eight year old asian girls could see you and tweek's soulmate gayness

kenny m: (and the fact that you're a bottom)

craig t: "a real man can take a dick up the ass"

kenny m: i stick by my words

kenny m: a real man can also confess their undying love for their twitchy little unofficial boyfriend

craig t: we're friends dude

kenny m: i dont think friends call each other "honey" and "babe" at the tender age of nine

craig t: u denied ur thing with butters for years but i dont recall friends going to hawaii on honeymoon together at the tender age of eight

kenny m: and look at me now, happier then ever and sporting the sorest ass i've ever had in my life

craig t: dude tmi

kenny m: you could be the same as me!

kenny m: it would suck if tweek just felt all his love going to waste, y'know?

craig t: what the fuck

craig t: tweek's what

kenny m: tweek big, massive, throbbing cock

_**kenny m has gone offline** _

* * *

**_kenny m has started a private chat with tweek tweak_ **

tweek t: whAT DID I DO WHAT DIDT DI DO 

kenny m: relax tweek

tweek t: okay

kenny m: you havent been having meth coffee right

tweek t: no today i just had more coffee than normal

tweek t: i've been getting better trust

kenny m: okay my man

kenny m: so you wont explode when i ask you this next question?

tweek t: bring it im not on that pussy shit

kenny m: in which of the next few months are you planning to tell craig you're hopelessly in love with him?

tweek t: .

tweek t: BUDBEHJBXSVUAYGSJHZENSKNZKNUAYVXEUXBHAJYVXAHJVAHJ

tweek t: WHO TOLD YOU WHO TOLD WHO TOLD YOU

tweek t: I SHOUL"VE KNOWN THERE OWULD BE A SNITCH

tweek t: I CANT TRUST ANYONEDVXB SHIWBSWVVDSIYGW

kenny m: ngl dude nobody snitched

tweek t: then HOW DIID YOU KNOW WTF WTF 

kenny m: ur wayyyyy calmer around him sis

kenny m: ur twitch is so much slower and you dont flinch when he touches u 

kenny m: hes easily one of the people in your life you're the most comfortable with in the world

kenny m: even more than your parents, yes?

kenny m: also he's super hot with that black hair blue eyes stoicness shit he had going on for him and you just want to pound him into a matress, dont you>

tweek t: ... are you a psychic

kenny m: no just really observant

kenny m: ur a friend of mine

kenny m: and my friends have always had my back thru allllll of my lows so im here to give a little back i guess

kenny m: i want u all to be happy

tweek t: AWWWWWW KENNY THAT WAS REALLY SWEET BDXKJWBYUQFVVBAJHEUDEX

tweek t: still its WAY RISKY DBEISBJEBE I DONT KNOW IF I CAN

kenny m: thats too bad

kenny m: i think hes jerking off to yaoi art of you drilling into him right now anywyas

tweek t: KENNY XRYDIESVAJHBHSBIWBKJNKJAB

_**kenny m has gone offline** _

* * *

  ** _kenny m has started a private chat with token b_**

kenny m: whats good hokey tokey

token b: do not call me that

token b: but whats up

kenny m: i was surprised when i finally figured it out u know

kenny m: ur pretty serious and stoic and have ur shit together

kenny m: and then i realised it was that maternal kinda mama bear vibe u have

token b: what are u talking about

token b: have you been cheesing

kenny m: and of course you'd be attracted to someone you could take care of

kenny m: clyde donovan, huh? u could do wayyyy worse

token b: if you're implying that i'm attracted to clyde, who is my best friend, you are wrong

kenny m: even when you had him sleep over in your bed for a couple nights after the day he found out all the girls called him cute to get shoes off him

kenny m: even when you told him you thought he was beautiful and funny and kind when he cried about being in bottom 5?

kenny m: even when you were in elementary school and in the middle of garrison's homophobic tirades?

kenny m: was that all totally no homo? ;))))))))))

token b: how the fuck did you know all that

kenny m: clyde's an emotional drunk

kenny m: which brings me to my second point

kenny m: he obviously cares for you deeply

kenny m: whats stopping you from making your move?

token b: im still shook at apparently how good u are at this

token b: he cares for me in a friend way

kenny m: jesus fuck what is wrong with you all

token b: ,,,?

kenny m: friends in south park dont sneak onto mansion properties with guards aiming to shoot when their super rich best friend had a nightmare and his parents were out of town to sleep with him till he falls asleep

kenny m: best friends in south park dont sprint to tackle the other to the ground first during school shooter rounds and cry when someone finally gets on top, hm?

kenny m: at least nobody that i know who wasnt in love with their best friend has done those things :/

kenny m: in better words; thats love bitch

token b: news analyst

kenny m: what?

token b: you should be a news analyst

kenny m: im flattered but im well on my way to being the next mia khalifa

kenny m: soon, token

kenny m: trust me when i say clyde will bend over for you immediately

token b: holy christ kenny

_**kenny m has gone offline** _

* * *

 

**_kenny has created a private chat with clyde d_ **

clyde d: heyyy whats good my meme messiah

kenny m: ayyyyyy nuthin

kenny m: i have big statements to state to you

clyde d: i love big statements

clyde d: bring on the big statements, bb!

kenny m: you ready for this huge, throbbing statement, babe?

clyde d: yes please im begging for the statement

kenny m: my statement is begging to be heard

clyde d: give me the statement please i need the statement oh fuck baby

kenny m: okay here it is hun

clyde d: yes give it to me kenny

kenny m: you love token

clyde d: oh i love your statement kenny

clyde d: wait what

clyde d: thats an incorrect statement

kenny m: clyde

clyde d: fine you're so right but what are you doing yelling it for the streets to hear

kenny m: i am making my statement

kenny m: and that is you should hit on token and steal his dick for your ass

clyde d: oh how vulgar!

clyde d: too bad hes still kinda hung up over nichole and im his dorky best friend

kenny m: i didnt get an invite to ur pity party clyde and i dont want one

kenny m: i want you to hit on him and thank me afterwards

kenny m: capiche?

clyde d: where is this coming from 

kenny m: the goodness of my heart and the frustration of my friends' sexual tension

clyde d: friendS?

clyde d: oh u little shit u went for stan and kyle and craig and tweeks thing didnt u

kenny m: u got me boi

_**kenny m has gone offline** _

 


End file.
